I want to share something very personal with you that I’ve been hiding. By telling you this, I’m trusting you to keep your personal judgements aside as far as you’re able to. I acknowledge that you may have a perception of me as some kind of ‘Quran Expert’. This perception is causing me to have some personal problems. Specifically, it’s making it very tempting for me to lead you on and be fake.

The easiest, most lucrative and deceptive way for me to continue this Quran For Busy People movement would be to pretend that I am indeed a pseudo-scholar who is free from sin and temptation. All I’d really need to do is give eloquent lectures, throw in some words of Quranic Arabic that the make me sound like I know what I’m talking about, and hold up an image of a young, hip Maulana. I already tick all those boxes. If I really wanted you to think of me that way, I might even grow a beard, and wear Arabesque clothes.

But, if I did that, I’d be lying to you and to myself. So, let me give you a clearer picture of the way my life really looks, and let you know something very personal about me that may cause some of the more self-righteous & judgemental readers to protest.

In fact, I’ve been embarrased and ashamed of you finding this out about me, even though I have no problem with Allah knowing. When you fear people rather than Allah, you are being insincere and fake. And, soon, you start living a double life. You act one way in front of one group of people (like your non-Muslim friends) and another way in front of other people (like the Muslim community). That’s a formula for headaches and internal conflicts that you really don’t need.

My mission in life requires me to be completely congruent – to be one way with everyone, come what may.

So, you want to know my deep, dark secret…?

Here goes…

I hang out in bars. And every once in a while, if I feel like it, I’ll even go into a club to dance.

Yikes! I guess that means I need to hand over any remnant of religious authority to the next young religious-leader wannabe.

Now, if you have a strong urge to email me or post some “advice”, don’t bother. I’m not going to stop, unless I feel like it.  If that means you don’t want to read this blog any more, so be it. But before you delete me from your bookmarks, know this…

I’ve never been more connected with Allah, or understood the Quran more deeply than I do right now. I’ve never taken Salah more seriously than I do right now. I’m definitely much closer to Allah, and remember Allah much more than I did when I was a student leading the Islamic Society at university – even though I never went to pubs or clubs during that phase of my life. I realise that this might be annoying for you to hear, and it might conflict with your world-view.

“After all,” you may be wondering, “how is it possible that someone who studies the Quran in its original Arabic and prays regularly and consistently can break all social conventions and go to places where alcohol is served?”

Well, there are a lot of factors to consider, besides the fact that I’m a ‘sinner’ – factors more to do with my personal life than the Quran and Sunnah…

  1. I wasn’t brought up in a particularly religious family (although kudos to my blessed mother who started becoming religious around the same time I did, but for very different reasons)
  2. I’ve been going to pubs since I was a kid, and never had any issue being around people who drink alcohol without drinking it myself
  3. I believe that if something is religiously and spiritually important, it is addressed directly in the Quran. Drinking alcohol is addressed, but hanging out with friends in a place where people drink is not. (Note: This isn’t to say it’s halal or haram – just that it’s not that important to me… and its completely okay if you don’t agree with me).
  4. If I’d had some problem with alcohol in the past, before I became ‘religious’, I probably wouldn’t go near a pub. I would probably keep out of an environment of temptation. When I’m on a diet, I don’t go near a McDonalds or down the ‘confectionary’ isle in Tescos. But, I’ve honestly never even been tempted to drink. And my friends who are not Muslim completely respect that.
  5. I hang out more with non-Muslims of all backgrounds than with Muslims, and I do that on purpose. I find that spending time with people who are all from one background severely limits my ability to consciously grow into the best possible version of myself.
  6. This is definitely not a peer pressure thing. If I didn’t want to go to public houses, I wouldn’t. From my personal experience, I just don’t see the harm in it.
  7. A few weeks ago I went to a pub just to get out of the house, and found myself sitting on a table for several hours, sipping on sparkling water, reading a book on the life of Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. I didn’t even notice the irony of that situation until a friend later joined me and pointed it out.

Now, does this mean that I’m incapable of being a Quran Coach? And does it mean that I recommend everybody starts going to pubs and clubs…?

Well, to answer the first question, I’m afraid that I am the Quran Coach, I invented the concept of Quran Coaching and in the future, if Allah wills it, there will be more Quran Coaches, who will most likely have been trained by me. Deal with it.

It may reassure you to know however, that during Quran Coaching I do not actually ‘teach’ the Quran, and I certainly don’t impose my crazy view of the world onto a student. Rather, I empower students to learn ancient Arabic so they can read the Quran for themselves, like I do.

Many of my students are far more conservative than me, and probably wouldn’t touch a pub with a barge pole. As a coach, I respect your model of the world. That doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. You’ll probably struggle to find one individual Muslim who shares all of your beliefs and rules. You may agree on the big stuff, but the more detailed you get, the more you’ll find to disagree on.

This really isn’t about being right or wrong. It’s about being honest. With all the articles on this blog about how to study the Quran and effective strategies on how to improve your dhikr and salah, I didn’t want to lead you on to believe I’m something that I’m not.

So, does this mean that I recommend everybody starts going to pubs and clubs? Absolutely not. It’s not my job to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. It’s your job to make those decisions, and no one else’s. No one is going to stand in front of Allah in your place on the Day of Judgement – certainly not me.

What I would highly recommend, however, is some introspection. Do you act completely congruently with everyone you are with? Do you talk to non-Muslims about Islam differently to how you would talk with your Muslim friends? Do you have a large number of non-Muslim friends? Do you have any? Is that the way you want it?

Do your parents or family know what you get up to when you’re not at home? Are you afraid of them finding out? Do you ever find yourself hiding pictures on Facebook because you’re afraid of a certain group of people seeing them?

If you don’t like your honest answers to these questions, the problem may be that you have too many social masks. I’ve had the same problem. When people know you’re ‘religious’ they make all sorts of false assumptions about you, and then you don’t want to disappoint them.

It can be scary to show people the real you. But, if you fear anything other than Allah, it may be time to make some changes.